


Dwarrows on the run.

by Mila_Black



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Cravings, Dis is having a grand laugh, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Mpreg, Not Beta Read, Pregnancy, Temper Tantrums, The sons of Durin run scared, nothing as scary as a three pregnant spouses on a tear., three husbands don't know what to do with themselves...or their mates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 12:06:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1468993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mila_Black/pseuds/Mila_Black
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Other fics are being difficult so here is a one-shot that might grow into more about how our lovely Durin darrows would handle all three of their loves being pregnant and moody at the same time. They run of course, because you know Dale is so very far away and they could just blend in. Dis and Bard are there, to take fun at their expense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tactical Retreat

**Author's Note:**

> plot bunnies are annoying when they are right. Some of my khuzdul is from other online sources, translations for anything i know to be different from standard will be provided.
> 
> I might post more as they are still chattering away, but we'll see.
> 
> Bard and Dis is pure crack.

No the Heirs of Durin did not flee the mountain as if Smaug reborn had suddenly appeared in court. It was a tactical retreat, yes that's it a tactical retreat to do business in Dale. If they just so happened to call upon the Lady Dis and Lord Bard, looking like frantic wargs, it was simply a coincidence due to the wind and the speed in which they had left. Later if asked, Dwalin and Balin would say that it was if the three had been spirited away. There one moment and then in their place stood three dwarf shaped clouds of dust.

So what was it that had sent three of the Heroes of Erebor, fleeing for their lives? Three very pregnant, though with varying due dates, spouses. Bilbo, Sigrid and Tauriel to be exact. One would think that was nothing to be afraid of, but the mood swings were things of legend. 

Usually the gentle natured Hobbit would huff not to silently and threaten to not make this wonderful dish or another. This time had been different. An innocent, if ill-timed comment about his expanding waist, had found the King Under the Mountain dodging a mug. Then plates. Then a dagger or three. 

Fili had fared no better when he'd playfully suggest that Sigrid start going barefoot when her swollen feet would no longer fit into her usual shoes and boots. The hobbit like suggest had been purely in jest, but Sigrid had taken it to heart. Between her screaming and crying she'd made several threats befitting the most battle harden of dwarrowdams and Fili was left wondering if his father-in-law might suddenly appear to strike him down.

Kili was likely the most innocent of the trio. Even though Elven pregnancies were notoriously long, Dwalin's second in command was large for her pregnancy. Being the dutiful and caring husband that he was Kili had asked if Tauriel had considered cutting her patrol duties down and appointing another elf to the duty of Mirkwood Emissary to another. She hadn't yelled or thrown anything at him, but simply gave him a look. A look so hard and angry that for a moment, Kili was reminded of his mother. 

Which was why the three of them had collectively packed a few things and headed for Dale. 

“Mother is going to laugh at us you know,” Kili mused as their ponies made the way down the road.

“She's going to laugh and probably slam the door in our faces you mean,” Fili said as he stroked one of his mustache braids. 

Thorin chuckled softly, “No that would be Bard. Your mother will just shake her head and compare us all to your father, Vili.” When they looked at him he shrugged, “Your mother ran him off more than once when she was pregnant with you Fili. I do believe there was an axe involved at least once.”

Both winced slightly. Dis was as much a warrior as she was a princess, which meant she had the means to back up her attitude. Putting aside that uncomfortable thought, the trio focused on their journey. They would reach Dale by mid-day and hopefully no one had sent a raven to the Lord and Lady of Dale.

Now that was an entirely different story altogether. No one, but no one had expected Dis and Bard to well get married. Mostly because the two had been grudgingly cordial to one another since their eldest children were married to each other. Somehow though between the rebuilding of both cities and wedding plans the two had come to an understanding. Kili still got twitchy whenever he thought back to the moment he'd walked in on Bard kissing his mother. Horror had overridden the urge to throttle the man.  
Thorin had chalked it up to both having lost the great loves of their lives and bonding over the marriage of Fili and Sigrid. That was his story and he was sticking to it. 

Fili once the shock had worn off had simply congratulated them both, remaking how none of them could hold moving on against her. Or her choice in partner. Not that anyone else would either. You didn't go bothering bears in their caves afterall. 

Entering the city, they found themselves greeted by everyone who caught sight of them as they made their way towards Dis' home.

It was a grand home, a small castle really if you asked anyone, and the Lady Dis was outside it's huge doors reading in the front garden.

“Khagan!!” Kili was first off his pony and running to embrace his mother. It hadn't been that long, since they'd seen each other, but it was good to see her.

 

The smile fell from Kili's face as he drew back from his mother to stare at her. Dis just smiled sweetly as it seemed her secret was no longer a secret. Thorin and Fili dismounted and had come over just in time to hear the youngest growl out, “I'll kill him.” Thorn just looked from his nephew to his laughing sister again confused.

“Kili, whats wrong?” Their mother looked happy and healthy, practically glowing even. Why would he want to killl Bard? There was no one else he could be talking about after all.

Thorin was still taking in every detail of his sister. Trying to figure out what had the younger dwarf so riled up. She had a few more gray hairs, but that was normal. She was smiling and there wasn't a bruise on her. Then again if Bard had dared to strike her, he'd already be dead. And then he noticed the hand on her stomach....her rounded stomach.

At the same time Kili was giving his brother, a look that had often been used on him. He pointed to their mother as he said. “SHE'S PREGNANT!”

The last thing Fili heard as he passed out was his mother's musical laughter and Thorin muttering under his breath, “Out of the frying pan, and into the fire.”


	2. Mother Knows Best aka When Dis Speaks, All Listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili wakes up, Kili threatens and Dis gives her boys some advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discalimer: All hobbit related characters are not mine. Things might be more interesting if they were, but as such no.

Eventually they got Fili inside and awake with a mug of ale in front of him. Kili of course was still sputtering about all the hurt he was going to rain down upon Bard, but that stopped with one look from Dis. Thorin could see that his sister was happy with her news, but he could also see the faint worry in her eyes. That was no surprise considering who they were. Dwarves were not the most fertile of races and pregnancy was no easier. That she had taken the chance on having a third child and with a Man, no less said much about love the two bore each other. He could imagine the fears Bad was holding in given his first wife's death on the birthing bed, but the man hadn't come running to Erebor the second he knew his new wife was carrying. Which only meant he was good at hiding his worry, or Dis had him in check.

 

Thorin was willing to bet it was more of the second and less of the first. Dis never liked being fussed over, more so when she was pregnant.

 

"So, what did you three do?" Dis asked as she made herself comfortable in a push chair. 

 

The three of them looked at each other, not knowing what to say. As far as they were concerned, nothing had said, had been that bad. Which is how they explained things to Dis, who had to keep herself from slipping from her seat with her rolling laughter.

 

"Oh my dear sweet idiots," she wiped at her eyes slowly. "Thorin, I would think you'd have learned from their father and then passed that knowledge on. Then again you were always a bit thick." She smiled at her glowering brother and shook her head. 

 

Looking at them she sighed and rubbed her own pregnant bulge with a smile, "I know you all meant, nothing by it but think of how your Ones felt being told they were getting fat, had hobbit like feet and weren't capable of doing their duties?" Turning her gaze to Fili she said, "And you my oldest should have just had new shoes and boots made. I mean really I'm sure poor Sigrid's feet are killing her carrying your great big child and you tell her to go barefoot." Dis tutted. 

Kili and Thorin garnered more sympathy in that one's comment had been well meaning and the other simply an observation. 

 

Taking a sip of ale Fili snorted, "Yes because I am sure our new Da' has been absolutely wonderful."

 

Dis would deny any mention of a faint blush creeping on her face, and she would deny throwing a pillow at her brother's very fat head when he let out a bark of laughter. "I will have you know that Bard has been very careful in his wording. He does have three children after all."

"So where is he then?" Kili inquired playfully. Before the coming of Smaug, Bard had always been on the go. Seeing this his family's well being, but also to that of those less fortunate or those who had fallen on the bad side of the Master. As the new Lord of Dale, such doings were not quite as necessary, but still very much a habit of his.

Before Dis could reply the man in question came in, his arms full of goods from the market so much so that he didn't notice their guests, "They didn't have the pickles you wanted, so I got some jarred beets instead, you did say you liked those when you were carrying Kili. Fara just slaughtered another batch of pigs, so you're going to have to wait for some fresh salted pork a few more days. Oh and I was able to get the last of the raspberries in town. Also you may want to send a raven to your brother about his consort hogging all of the clover honey as of late." Bard was headed straight for the kitchen when he heard laughter. Both Thorin and Fili could not contain themselves. It wasn't Bilbo that had the intense craving for honey on nearly everything, it was.... "I'm pretty sure Tauriel may be willing to part with some honey, if you ask nicely. Bilbo has for the last month been more of a clotted cream mood," Kili said while glaring at Bard. "It is for a good cause after all, you did get my mother pregnant, you son of an orc" Bard nearly dropped his packages and if not for the timely arrival of one of their few servants he might have found himself trying to decide if they would make a good shield. For weeks now he had been arguing with Dis over when they should tell the others about their news. It wasn't as if they were going to be able to hide it for much longer. Dis had for some reason felt that she shouldn't try and steal any light from her sons and brother. Plainly ignoring his statement that another child for the line of Durin, was another child. As it was, baring any complications she would be the last to give birth.

Dwarf pregnancies typically lasted 10 months. Elves 12, Hobbits 8 and for Men 9. Bilbo was due first followed by either Sigrid or Tauriel, as they had conceived around the same time. There would be just enough time to visit with his grandchild before welcoming his fourth into the world. The idea still shocked him now and then. 

Dis smiled as she slowly got up and made her way over to kiss her husband, "They showed up not too long ago. We've been talking about what not to say to one's pregnant spouse and how you have been the model of husbandry love." Dis gave one of the braids she'd put into his hair a soft tug. One part loving act, one part 'don't blow this.'

Bard simply rubbed his hand over her bump and then looked at Fili, "I'm sure Sigrid isn't too mad with you, though if she takes after her mother, her feet are likely the size of Bilbo's." Fili simply nodded into his ale. "If you want to get back in her good graces I suggest lots of rubbing. Rub until your fingers ache."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things may get more weird from here on out. Sorry for the short post but getting ready for a week long vaca has been distracting.


	3. Meanwhile....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into what the pregnant halves of our three couples are up to while the boys are away

Meanwhile Back in Erebor

It didn't take Bilbo, Tauriel and Sigrid long to figure out that their respective spouses had fled the mountain th. As to where they had gone exactly, that they were leaving up to Nori. He might have been on Thorins payroll, but Bilbo was his favorite. 

The three of them were currently gathered in the Royal sitting room, a slight shade of guilt hanging over their heads given how they had acted recently. Not that anyone truly blamed them. It was a trying time for them all and emotions were running hot. Tauriel was the first to break the quiet silence, “So should we send a Raven after them, or simply wait?” Truth was she was probably on the verge of simply riding off to find her husband and run away in-laws more than anything. 

Bilbo too a slow sip of his tea before resting back in his chair. “If they've gone where I think they have, I am pretty sure we won't have to wait long for them to return. And its not as it they are really going to be able to stay away for too long.”

“Bilbo is right you know,” Sigrid nibble at a ginger cookie slowly. Her feet were propped up in front of her to help with the swelling. “They'll be gone long enough to think we're no longer mad, and long enough to start to fret.”

Tauriel let out a small snort as she finished the braid she was working on, “I'm just surprised Kili left with them. It wasn't like I actually threw anything at him.” Bilbo's cheeks grew red as the other two laughed and complimented his aim.

“Well if it makes you three feel better, they are in Dale with Dis and Bard. And knowing what I know, I can guarantee you they won't be there long,” Nori called out in his usual way as he slipped into the room via one of the various hidden entrances.

“Dale?” Bilbo huffed, “Well that's better than some sudden hunting trip I suppose.” Nori just rolled his eyes before approaching the Hobbit and laying a hand on his bump.

“As if I would let my favorite Hobbit down by letting them get that far?” 

“I'm practically the only Hobbit you know, Nori,” Bilbo jabbed the Spymaster in the chest with his index finger. “But I do appreciate the effort.”

Nori sniffed, “As you should.” Straightening up he looked around with a smile, “Now onto why I am actually here.” And in way that only he and his minions were capable of, Nori started puling small packages seemingly out of thin air. The first he gave to Sigrid.

“Pour these into your foot baths. They helped my Khagun when she was carrying Ori.” Nori handed her a list a well, “Oin can use this to get you more when you need it.”

“Oh Nori, thank you so much.” Sigrid fairly beamed at him as she placed the gifts into her lap. She loved Fili and their child, but she was fairly certain her feet were close to simply falling off to get away from her.

Turning to Tauriel he tossed a rounded bag to the former Captain of the Guard. “These were a trick to get my hands on, but I would not be Spymaster if I didn't have more than a few up my sleeves.” 

Now there was an interesting friendship. Theirs was an understanding borne entirely out of respect for their skills. Both could be utterly ruthless if needed and willing to do anything to protect their own. Tauriel was likely one of the only people in all of Arda that Nori was willing to give his back to. Well other than his brothers that was.

Said She-Elf gave him a questioning look before opening her gift. Inside were, what to the unknowing eye white raspberries, but Tauriel knew better. Inside where one of the few things that grew in Mirkwood that had remained for many centuries untouched by the taint of Dol Goldur. Starberries were her favorite and something Tauriel had missed greatly from her patrols of the woods. They were also extremely had to get to as they only seemed to grow best in the deepest part of Mirkwood. Which also happened to be the most dangerous.

“Nori, how? I mean even Kili doesn't even know about this.” 

The dwarrow just shrug and gave her a small smile, “If I told you then it wouldn't be a secret now would it? Let's just say I have...acquaintances everywhere and some are fond of you.” Tauriel knew he wasn't going to give her more than that, so she let it be and simply inclined her head to him.

Bilbo took another sip of tea, “So you bring gifts out of the blue, you must know something really good if you don't want us harping on you about the boys?” The Hobbit forced himself to not start cackling at the innocent look Nori gave him. Waving him off Bilbo cleared his throat, “Nori I know you better than most. You've got gossip that you don't want to share...or have been told to keep mum on.”

The dwarf simply made a non-committal noise as he bowed, “And people wonder why you are my favorite. Now if you three will excuse me, a Spymaster's work is never done.” Not surprisingly Nori made for the main door, as he preferred to keep his secret ways, secret.

“Oh and Bilbo my gift to you is simply advice,” Nori called over his shoulder.

“Advice?” Bilbo responded.

“Yes, push out that oak sapling sooner rather than later if you would be so kind. You're skewing the betting pool.” The former thief picked up his pace to outrun the pillow heading for his head. The closed leaving the three of them in silence before they all broke down in various stages of laughter. Sigrid was the first to recover as she took some tea to wash down the cookie in her mouth.

“I wasn't really mad at him you know? It was more at his rather unhelpful suggestion. My feet aren't nearly as tough as Bilbo's.” She nodded to her own feet, “I mean look at them, covered or not they are still fat and sore. I just wanted some help.”

“My dear, these are Durins. Sometimes subtle works and sometimes....”

“You have to hit them over the head with what you want,” Tauriel cut in before popping a berry into her mouth. If questioned about the noise she let out, she would deny that it was anything but ladylike.

“She's right you know. I mean the only one of them with actual experience is Thorin. Of course I know he didn't mean to say I was fat. I'm a Hobbit and we pride ourselves on girth, its just,” he waved a hand at his middle that was almost small in comparison to Tauriel's, “I feel fat and ungainly. Then again Thorin is a bit prone to boot in mouth moments.”

“You mean like at our wedding feast?” Sigrid supplied before they all tried to remember their favorite moments of diplomatic failure on the King's part. They spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing and settling on sending a Raven to Dale before dinner. At least their husbands would likely be back in time for afternoon tea tomorrow.

If they were smart that is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. The Muse is running on random as of late so you guys are likely to see some on shots posted around here before I circle back around to this and TANTC.
> 
> As usual all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Enjoy!!

**Author's Note:**

> Translations
> 
> Mother - Khagan


End file.
